“Before I met him, I would dance in the shower. When he was in my life, I would think about showering with him. After he left, I would sit on the ground in the shower and cry. When I got over him, I showered so quickly there was no time for dancing, fantasies or tears. Someone can invade the smallest parts of your life, you won’t even realize it until you dance in the shower again and wonder why you ever stopped.”—
I had this huge, awesome plan for my life about a year ago. Less than that, even. But I know for sure that it was a very definite plan I had one year ago. & absolutely NOTHING has gone according to plan. NOTH-ING.
I am seriously freaking out right now. I have no clue what I want to do with my life right now.
One thing I am thankful for, though, is that my ultimate goal has not changed, it has only expanded. So that’s good.
But right now, in this very moment in my life. I’m really not sure what to do & although I am happy here in Pahrump, I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel get dimmer & dimmer as it gets further away. I am so nervous that if I don’t get out soon then I will be stuck here. I can’t let that happen.
I made a decision 2 nights ago that I am going to Europe in the next few months. I think I might go at the beginning of next year so that I can have my tax refund to spend there. But that’s the only for sure plan I have at all for the next 6 months. & I seriously hope that a trip like that can help me clear my head & really figure out what I want out of life as a 19-year-old girl. Because I need to figure it out quick or I may just go crazy.
All these boys that I went to high school with are absolutely ridiculous. They’re almost all in relationships & yet, howww are they talking to me & how many other girls? It’s crazy. I just hope that since I haven’t been in a relationship for so long that it will help to make my relationship real. Someone that legitimately doesn’t want to talk to other girls like that. Ugh, it makes me sad for the girls that have to deal with that & kinda makes me sick to my stomach, too. I don’t get it when guys do that! If you want to be single, then be! Leave the poor girl alone.
& to any guys that may read this: you’re still cheating if you’re talking to a girl in any way that you know your girlfriend would be uncomfortable with. It’s called cheating with your mind.
I’m just the second choice girl. Which is fine. Just fine. I don’t need anyone right now. As much as I want to be wanted & needed & yada yada yada. Nobody does. At least not enough, so until I find that perfect guy, you know, the one who, well, is perfect, then it will be like this.